I spent a day just before Christmas in a small, upscale London office full of incredibly posh people; the receptionist’s pearls were worth more than the Gross Domestic Product of several South American countries. Spread over two floors, the company was full of Henriettas and Melissas, with double-barrelled names the norm.
I permitted myself a wry smile at the thought of the traditional values that must apply to their business dealings. A young graduate, joining from one of the better colleges at some esteemed University, might make some seemingly innocuous error in the first document that she had to prepare for the Managing Partner.
She’d be asked to stay behind in the evening. He’d take out the paper and discuss her mistake – and emphasise the need for accuracy and care. He’d check that she had signed the special clause in her employment contract.
And then he’d re-enforce the message with her bent tight over the boardroom table: six sharp strokes across her skirt guaranteeing greater focus on her future work.
A special clause in the employment contract?? – OMG these graduates will do anything for a placing in one of these ‘licence to print money’ companies these days, won’t they? Pity that she was allowed to keep her skirt on though – a gorgeous strand of pearls (such as worn by the receptionist) looks so much better without any other accessory…..
We’ve kind of seen that in The Secretary, but the opposite of posh :).
Gosh, I don’t even have an idea what “posh” is – I mean I know what the word means, but I’ve not been in a posh set-up very much. I’ve been around the Ivy-League academia crowd a lot but it’s different. I guess what’s similar is that this breed of people is often so out of touch with reality.
On a different note, it’s kind of sexy to be spanked wearing pearls (although mine are imitation *blush*) and not much of anything else, I’ve done that.
what does it mean that they are all named “henrietta and melissa”? i don’t think i’ve ever met someone named henrietta, but i know lots of melissas. and what are double-barreled names?
this totally went over my head. all but the spanking part of course. that part i got.
Let me introduce Elizabeth-Anne Winston-Smith – that sort of thing. Not only do they HAVE double barrel names – you are expected to USE them. So you can’t say Elizabeth and feel comfortable – you have to keep calling her Elizabeth-Anne. No wonder Abel imagined them over the boardroom table. Once they got over the shock, I think they’d love it!!!
What’s in a name? Lots of boys who J. went to school (college) with came from fancy East-Coast prep schools if not boarding schools, and they often would go by their middle name, so you’d have something like K. Edmund Scott (made that one up).
In the meantime, (this is a slightly different subject) people in my community just keep changing their good Anglo-Saxon names for some new-agey Indian names or even names like Oceania. Then they expect you to call them that. Actually, there are some who all of a sudden change their first name for their middle name (Ann becomes Mary) or change Betty for Elisabeth, or sometimes change their last name, too, just for the heck of it.
But I shouldn’t complain – I always spell my first name in several different ways and then people don’t know for sure what it is. Not to mention the whole fake online Amber Grace identity.
Amber: I actually did think once of trying out a new identity on the blog – rather liked the idea of CASS – my Dad always called me that – but I imagined a few of you saying something like – is that you Rob??? Perhaps it should have been Edwina-Louise and I could have had a day or two of feeling posh….
I am not even sure how I came up with Amber. J. hates the name but I think it’s pretty. I also like the stone (amber) and like to wear amber jewelry. Then the Hemingway part was totally silly pick – the first name that came to mind, I don’t even read that much Hemingway or ever have. I always had a hard time making up last names, even back in college when I did a little story writing (not kinky but absurdist-sarcastic in nature, kind of like Catch-22). And now all of a sudden everyone “in the neighborhood” knows me as a Amber and I am even afraid that I will accidentally sign a vanilla email with that name! So the kinky virtual identity is actually becoming a part of me by now. I feel as though I have a secret life or something.
A secret life. You? No way!! LOL Actually I am still chuckling about J saying “No spanking for 2 weeks!”. That’s the most hollow threat I think I have ever heard!!!!
Oh dear…I’m I supposed to have a fake name?
Oops… Ok everyone, from now on perhaps I should call myself Esmerelda-Francesca-Louise? Then do I get a double barrelled spanking over the boardroom table? Only problem is that apart from the Louise, I’m not sure I can even spell my own name properly and that makes me feel a bit silly!
Think I’ll stick with Sarah after all and remain thankful that my father scuppered my mothers plan to call me Vashti!
Erm… ps. Apologies to anybody called Vashti out there!
Well, quality does often outdo quantity in most situations. Awesome blog.
Rob – LOL – “secret,” right!
(J. often makes hollow threats when he is upset. My favorite is about going back to the barbarian country).
LOL one of the dangers of not having much blogging time for a few days is that catching up with some of the wonderful threads of comments is nigh on impossible.
I vote that henceforth we all call Sarah “Vashti”. As for Rob – your name confused me enough the first time you posted: I tend to think of Rob as a male name, yet your comments were obviously from a feminine standpoint!
And to think that I was under the misapprehension that Ms Hemmingway’s writing skills were inherited from Great Great Uncle Ernest…
I am worried, though, that any Melissas and Henriettas formerly numbered amongst our readers may have defected. (Persephone: these are my idea of upper-class names. Any others gratefully received!)
And welcome, Reverend. Your blog certainly ranks as one of the more remarkable and audacious collections of writing I’ve seen in a while!
Abel: That was the idea. I delerked on delerk day and it was a name chosen on the spur of the moment – hopefully to confuse you and anybody else out there. But I never imagined I’d still be ‘lerking’ to this day…Othewise I’d have chosen something like Sassy Sussan…..